Divorce can be a complex and emotional experience, and unfortunately, it is often surrounded by misconceptions. Many people rely on myths and hearsay when navigating the divorce process, but these myths can lead to confusion and unrealistic expectations. In this post, we will address five common divorce myths and shed light on the truth behind them. Understanding these myths will help you make informed decisions and avoid unnecessary stress.
The Myth That the Wife Always Gets Custody of the Children 
One of the most well-known myths surrounding divorce is the belief that mothers are automatically awarded custody of the children. While it’s true that mothers have traditionally been more likely to receive primary custody, modern custody decisions are no longer based solely on gender. New York, like many other states, follows a principle known as “best interests of the child” when determining custody arrangements.
In reality, the court considers a variety of factors when making custody decisions. These factors include the child’s relationship with each parent, the ability of each parent to provide a stable home, and the child’s own wishes if they are of a certain age and maturity. The court also looks at the physical and mental health of the parents, each parent’s work schedule, and their ability to provide care and support. If both parents are deemed capable, the court may award joint custody, allowing both parents to share equal responsibility.
It is important to understand that in the eyes of the court, both parents are equally responsible for their child’s welfare. Fathers are just as likely as mothers to be awarded primary custody, especially if they can demonstrate their ability to meet their child’s needs. Therefore, it is a misconception to believe that mothers are always favored in custody matters.
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The Myth That Divorce Always Results in a 50/50 Split of Assets
Another common myth is the idea that divorce automatically results in a 50/50 division of assets. While this may seem fair on the surface, it doesn’t accurately reflect how asset distribution works in New York. Instead of a strict 50/50 division, New York follows a legal principle known as “equitable distribution.”
Equitable distribution means that assets and debts are divided in a way that is fair but not necessarily equal. The court will take into account several factors when determining how property should be divided. These factors include the length of the marriage, each spouse’s financial and non-financial contributions to the marriage, the income and property each spouse brought into the marriage, and the economic needs of each spouse after the divorce.
For example, if one spouse stayed home to care for children while the other worked, the court may award the non-working spouse a larger share of the assets to account for their non-financial contributions. In some cases, one spouse may be entitled to more than 50 percent of the marital property if it is deemed fair based on the circumstances. Therefore, the idea of an automatic 50/50 split is not a reflection of how asset distribution works.
The Myth That You Must Go to Court to Get a Divorce
Many people believe that divorce automatically means going to court and enduring a long, drawn-out trial. While it’s true that some divorces do require court intervention, it is not the case for all of them. In fact, there are many ways to resolve a divorce without ever stepping foot in a courtroom.
One of the most common alternatives to court is divorce mediation. Mediation is a process in which both parties work with a neutral third-party mediator to negotiate the terms of their divorce. The mediator helps facilitate discussions on issues like child custody, asset division, and spousal support. Mediation allows the parties to maintain control over the outcome of the divorce and often results in a faster and less expensive resolution.
Another option is collaborative divorce, which involves both parties and their respective attorneys working together to reach a settlement outside of court. In collaborative divorce, the goal is to resolve issues through cooperation rather than litigation. This process is often less adversarial and can lead to more amicable outcomes.
It’s important to note that going to court is only necessary if the parties are unable to reach an agreement through alternative methods. In many cases, couples can settle their divorce without ever having to endure the stress and expense of a trial.
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The Myth That Spousal Support is Guaranteed for Life
Spousal support, often referred to as alimony, is another area where myths abound. One common misconception is that spousal support is automatically awarded in every divorce and will last for life. In reality, spousal support is not guaranteed, and the court has significant discretion in determining whether it should be awarded.
In New York, spousal support is typically awarded based on a variety of factors. These factors include the length of the marriage, the income and earning capacity of both spouses, and the recipient spouse’s need for financial support. The court will also consider each spouse’s contributions to the marriage, including non-financial contributions like homemaking and caregiving.
It is also important to note that spousal support is generally not permanent. In most cases, the court will set a specific duration for spousal support, often based on the length of the marriage. For example, in shorter marriages, spousal support may be temporary and last for only a few years, while in longer marriages, it may last longer. However, permanent spousal support is rare and typically only awarded in cases where one spouse is unable to support themselves due to age, illness, or other exceptional circumstances.
The Myth That Divorce is Always Expensive and Lengthy
Divorce is often perceived as an expensive and lengthy process, but this is not always the case. While some divorces do become contentious and result in high costs, many can be resolved quickly and affordably. The duration and cost of a divorce largely depend on the complexity of the issues involved and the willingness of both parties to cooperate.
For example, a couple with few assets, no children, and no contested issues may be able to finalize their divorce in a matter of months. The cost of such a divorce can be relatively low, especially if the parties use alternative methods like mediation or collaborative divorce.
On the other hand, if there are complex issues to resolve, such as child custody or division of a business, the divorce may take longer and cost more. However, even in these cases, the process can be streamlined if both parties are willing to negotiate and settle matters without litigation.
It’s also worth noting that divorce lawyers often offer flat-rate pricing or payment plans, which can make the cost more predictable. While divorce can be expensive, it doesn’t have to be prohibitively so, especially if both parties are willing to work together toward a fair resolution.
Conclusion
Divorce is a difficult process, but understanding the truth behind common divorce myths can help you navigate it more effectively. If you are facing a divorce or simply want to learn more about your options, it is essential to seek professional guidance. The experienced attorneys at Mahserjian & Mahserjian-Ortiz, PLLC are here to help you understand your rights and options. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and receive personalized legal advice.
